Is This What I Wanted ?? (From Armaan's P.O.V)

                       I was passing near the nurse station when i herad riddhima shouting nd peeping at the chaos I found her accusing Shilpa again!! mujhe aab tak samajh nahi aaya ke riddhima kyun shipa ko pasand nahi karti?? i know jab main shilpa se pehli baar mila tha at the disc i thought her thief nd she had irritated me highly nd bahot dino tak mujhe usse chir thi.. i mean kitna tang karti thi woh mujhe par dheeere dheere i found the real shilpa.. haan thodi pagal hain.. bahot bachpana hain par dill ki boori nahi hain.. patient's ko acche se handle karti hain.. nd i'm sure she'll be a good doctor.. aab thodi dosti bhi ho gayee usse...

... anwer me... dr. shilpa!!

maam... woh... maam.. maine sach mein..

i went near riddhima... mujhe pata hain mere wapas aane se uski life fir se bikhar gayee hain.. ek typical indian ladki hone ke naate na woh mujhe aapna sakti hain na aapne pati ko chod sakti hain aur na hi hum dono ko ek sath khush dekh sakti hain... i know her more than herself.. mujhe pata hain ke sid uski zimmedari hain nd woh kabhi aapne zimmedari se mu (face) nahi feregi.. chahe usse khud kitna hi dard kyun na ho.. uske liye uski family uski aapni khushi se zyada important hain.. jo ladki ye jante hue bhi ke anjali uski behen nahi hain phir bhi uske sapno ke liye aapni carrier ko daoo pe lagaye...  mujhse pyaar karte hue bhi aapne papa ke khilaf na jana aur mere sath hunger strike karna.. take na uske papa ko boora lage na main akela pad jaoon.. ek aisi ladki kitni selfless hain ye mujh se zyada aur kaun janta hoga .. par anjane mein hi sahi aaj meri waapsi meri riddhima ki zindegi ko messed up kar diya hain.. i hope main kuch kar pata... aur issi liye aaj kal woh itni chidchidi ho gayye hain.. na kisi se thik se baat karti hain na khud muskurati hain.. warna jisse insaan ki parakh sab se zyada thi pata nahi woh aaj kyun shilpa ki acchai dekh nahi paa rahi hain?? pata nahi kaha kho gayee meri riddhima??

juz shut up!! don't u dare to lie to me..

                Riddhima's shout broke my thoughts nd i looked at shilpa.. she was standing bowing down her head... i have to do some thing...

mmm.. Riddhima??

she turned recognizing my voice but next few minutes mein jo hua i still can't believe..

baat kya hain?? tum kyun bechari shilpa pe...

bechari??? oh i see... (she turned to shilpa nd said with disgust) .. li jiye aapke wakil (advocate) aa gayee hain... (then turning to me) ... tum kab se itne partial ho gayee armaan?? do u have any idea ek galat medicine ke wajah se kya ho sakta tha?? ... ( then turning to shilpa) i can suspend u if i want... hope u know that..

I was shocked.. ye meri hi riddhima hain na?? woh to kisi anjaan insaan se bhi acche se baat kar ti thi aur aaj aise... ye maine kya kar diya.. oh god!! agar mujhe pehle pata hota ke riddhima ki shadi ho chuki hain to chahe mujhe kitna bhi dard kyun na hota par main kabhi wapas nahi aata.. aab to kahi ja bhi nahi sakta.. agar sanjeevani chod ke chala jaoonga to riddhima ko lagegauski wajah se meri carrier bhi kharab ho gayee.. plzz hlp me god.. i juz want to see her happy.. at any cost.. plzz..

I saw her leaving us furiously.. i indicated the crowd to resume their work nd assured frightened shilpa..

pata nahi riddhima ko kya ho gaya hain... tum chinta mat karoo... agar ye tumne nahi kiya to tumhe kuch nhi hoga..

maine sach mein ye nhi likha armaan..

i know.. i trust u..

I saw shilpa smiling finally.. at least i make some one happy... hope main aisi hi ek smile riddhima ke face pe bhi la sakoon... par kaise?? anyways.. i've to help shilpa 1st..

mujhe chart dikhayo..

shilpa handed me the prescription nd wat i saw i never expected it.. no no.. its not HER hand writing.. riddhima aisa nahi kar sakti.. par main uski hand writing ko galat pehchaano ye possible hain kya?? i frowned in confusion... god!! wat r u trying to do riddima??

I went to near her cabin nd knocked nd i heard a very casual "come in!!!"
may be now i know wat she is trying.. well riddhima.. if u want this nd u'll be happy then bring it on.. mere liye sirf tumhari khushi important hain... i barged into her cabin..

wat the hell is this.. riddhima??

i said in disgust trying hard not to shout (god knows how i acted in front of her.. but i've to.. for her..) nd threw the prescription in front of her eyes on her table.. i saw her composing herself... gaining attitude nd crunching her eye brow (well i must say riddhima.. u acted too well but u know wat i know u more than urself) she said..

what???

don't u know wat?? then look at the hand writing.. shayad tumhe pata chale ke ye medicines kisne prescribe ki hain..

she dint bother to follow my instructions ... (never ever in our relationship she did it... anyways... ) she juz said...

u don't have any proof

I looked at her shocked!! kaha se itni himmant jutayee tumne riddhima?? tum to humesha ek sehmi hui si ladki thi na?? aaj mujhse jhoot bol rahi ho woh bhi itni confidently.. may be i know y?? par tum kabhi aapne aapko meri naazro mein nahi gira paaogi .. par haan .. agar merey aise pretend karne se tumhari life se thodi pareshani kam hoti hain.. tumhe lagta hain ke main aab tumhe bhula ke aage badonga.. to yahan tum galat ho riddhima.. i can nver forget u but i can pretend that.. nd i'll... main tumhe aise aapne aapko blame nahi karne doonga...

"tumne ye jan bujhke... ??? ohh my godd... ( i ran my hands in my hair to control myself.. because i know that i too can't lie to u so easily) tum itna kab badal gayee riddhima ... i m ashamed ke kabhi maine tumse pyaar kiya tha... chiii... (plzz plzz plzz god plzz 4give me for this.. mujhe pata hain ye kitna bada sin hain.. i'm insulting my love.. my life.. my riddhima.. par god aagar kisi ke bhale ke liye jhoot kaha jayyee to woh sach se accha hain aap hi ne kaha tha na.. main bhi wohi kar raha hoon.. plzz meri basket ko sambhal lena .. i know wat effect my words will have on her but for her long term happiness she has to bear this.. plzz riddhima be strong.. plzz.. nd i continued my acting) ... shilpa ki life barbaad karne ke bare mein soch na bhi maat... agar tum usse nafrat kar sakti ho to main bhi yahi hoon to protect her... dost hain woh meri.. tumne shayad rishtey nibhana bhula diya hain par main aaj bhi wohi armaan hoon.. good 4 my frnz but worst for their enemies nd aaj se tum mere liye sirf meri dost ki enemy ho.. nothing more than that... (I turned to leave but looked back for the last time but dint gather the courage to utter a  single word .. she dint say any thing but her eyes told me every thing... godd... plzz make her happy...)


I rushed from there nd went to terrace... i was feeling like whole world is spinning in front of my eyes... my head started paining.. eyes started burring ... cheeks got moistained with fresh tears... i hold the railing tight.. as ti8 as possible... why?? why when i finally loved some one was driven away from me...?? y destiny plays with me every time?? why din't i die in the shoot - out?? y unknowingly i have become the reason of pain of the person whom i love more than myself..?? why god?? why??


I was soo numd that my limbs started loosening.. it was getting difficult for me to carry my own burden.. nd wen i was about to fall two gentle hands hold me giving suppot...

ar.. maan???

I looked at the person nd saw a concerened shilpa..

shil.. pa??

you ok??

I desperately wanted a support nd dont know y i broke down.. i hugged her nd cried my heart out.. but soon i felt my shoulder getting drenched.. i detangled her nd saw her crying!!! she is crying for me but why??

kya baat hain armaan.. tum mujhe baata sakte ho.. shayad main tumhari help kar sakti hoon...

I still dnt know y i believed her words.. may be the honesty in her eyes made me to believe her nd i spoke my heart out.. nd saw her smile vaguely...

tumhe pata hain armaan tum aur di bilkul ek jaise ho??

di??

nd i came to know about shilpa's real identity.. she is riddhima's sister!!!

di bhi ye sab natak iss liye kar rahi hain take tum aage badoo.. tum khush rahoo.. and unka guilt kam ho jayee... its really difficult for her to push u away from her but she wanted it for you nd u too doing it for the same... kash.. kismat ye ajjeb khel nahi khelti to aaj tum dono sath hote nd ye hi hona chahiye tha.. pata nahi bhagwan ji acche logo ke sath accha kyun nahi karte??

I saw her speaking with honesty... nd feeling our pain.. yess.. she is a nice girl.. a gr8 human being... i smiled a lill nd confessed

tum bahot acchi ho shilpa!!

nd she smiled...

waise agar tum chaho to main tumhari help kar sakti hoon?? main bhi di ko khush dekhna chahti hoon...



& soon we started pretending that we like each other.. don't know y but kabhi kabhi mujhe sach mein lagta tha ke shilpa mujhse pyaar karti hain.. pata nahi... parhaan now she is my best friend with whom i can be myself..i started acting like that old naughty armaan nd she believed.. i saw her once smiling seeing my nautanki wth a child pateint.. god!! i can die for this smile.. juz make it forever on her lips.. i'll do watever i could.. nd i came to know that riddhima nd sid's relationship are improving.. although riddhima created lill problems for shilpa according to her drama i played along pretending to be angry... i saw her quite satisfied than before... she never know but i often saw her in ward or caffe or in her cabin.. its not that she is completely happy but she is lill satisfied.. may be the thought of ruining my life has started fading.. nd i owe shilpa for this.. she helped me to ease riddhima's life nd i hope aab sid nd uske beech ke tension kam ho jayee...


oneday dr. shashank came with shilpa's marriage proposal for me.. i was shockedd... i dint say any thing.. dr. shashank gave me some time to think nd that evening i went to shilpa's house...

armaan??? (she was shocked seeing me at the door) .. tum yahan..??

andar aane ko nahi kahogi?? ( i said to ease the situation.. although we r gr8 frnz now but i nvr went to her house b4)

tum baitho.. i'm cuming wth cofee..

arrey nahi.. plzz.. no need of formality..

tch.. armaan.. u sit , na!! i'll be back in two minutes..


I was sitting on the sofa wen i saw a drawer beside it where a vase with flowers were kept.. i opened it hoping to see some magazine but i found a diary.. on which her nd riddhima's picture was attached.. i took it nd felt the picture  ..my lips formed a smile seeing my riddhima so happy.. i prayed in heart once again for her happiness.. nd juz i was about to keep it back in the drawer it fell from my hand nd my photograph fell !!! i was surprised!! shilpa meri photo kyun rakhegi?? i opened the diary out ofcuriosity nd i was dumb founded to read..

I LOVE ARMAAN.. YESS ITS HIM.. WOH DEEWANA JISKE POEMS PADKE BINA DEKHE MUJHE USSEY PYAAR HO GAYA THA WOH ARMAAN HAIN !!



i closed the diary as if my hands burnt... shilpa loves me??? woh mujhe... kaise... i mean mujhe to ehsaas bhi nahi hua!! aur phir bhi woh riddhima nd meri madat kar rahi hain... jane anjane main ussey bhi hurt kar raha hoon.. ohh god!! y me?? mujhe hi kyun har uss insaan ke dard ka reason bana rahe ho jo mujhse pyaar karta hain.. oh god!!

nd i saw her cuming with coffee plastering a sweet smile.. now i know how much pain she suffers to plaster that smile.. i composed myself and returning the smile said

thank u... (sipping the coffee).. mm.. bahot acchi bani hain...

mm.. armaan.. tum achanak yahaan??

mm.. bas aise hi.. kyun aapne dost se milne nahi aa sakta kya??

she smiled fully nd said.. arrey aisi baat nahi hain..



nd we talked for a long time nothing imp... nd bidding her good bye i came back to my house.. that night i dint sleep.. i've to mke a decision .. that will make maximum people happy... i was fighting with my thoughts nd finally i made my mind.. i saw the sun rising.. yess.. its a new day.. nd i'll mke both of them happy.. i called shilpa...

armaan?? itni subah??

sorry to disturbing ur sleep shilpa.. par mujhe bahot imp. baat karni hain.. can we meet within a hour ??

sure.. where??

at the beech near ur house.. thik hain na??

okk..


I reached there early nd soon she came..

Shilpa.. ( my breathe fastened.. herat beat became erratic.. i closed my eyes) willl u marry me??

what??

i heard her shocked reply nd opened my eyes... i told her about dr. shashank's visit yesterday nd his suggetion ... she was listening to me carefully..

toh tum kya chahte ho armaan??

tum kya sunna chahogi shilpa??

she looked away.. i know now why!!! i sighed nd said...

i read ur diary yesterday.. not full.. but one page... wanna know which one??

she remined silent...

meri pyaar ko to manzil nahi mila shilpa.. but tumhari pyaar ko tum manzil dena nahi chahogi??

she looked back at me.. shocked.. disbelieving her ears...

mujhe shayad thoda waqt lag jayee par kya tum intezaar kar paaogi?? i promise main humesha tumhara sath doonga.. kuch aur hone se pehle i'm alwaz ur best frnd... ri8??

she nodded.. her eyes showed hope..

will you marry me, shilpa??


(I know i can never forget riddhima.. par mere liye uski khushi sab se important hain.. aur woh bhi aapne shadi ko tabhi aapna payeegi jab main aage badunga... aur dusri taraf hain woh ladki jo mujhe itni pyaar karti hain but still kabhi kuch nahi kaha.. uss waqt mein mera sath diya jab mujhe ek dost ki sab se zyada zarrorat thi.. agar woh nahi hoti to main riddhima ki madat kabhi nahi kar pati par jiss insaan ne khud jal ke mere dill se ye bojh utara.. jis insaan se khud se zyada meri dard ko ehmiyaat di.. main uski khushi kaise chin loon... meri kahani to kabhi poori nahi hogi at least shipa ko to main uski khushi de sakta hoon.. haan.. yahi sahi hain.. unn teeno ke liye.. riddhima.. sid nd shilpa jinki zindegi meri wajah se uljhi hui hai nd issey thik bhi main hi karoonga.. plzz god.. give me the strength..)



nd now i'm married to shilpa.. waiting at airport for our flight.. i've decided to stay abroad... merey samne kisi aur ke sath hone se riddhima pe kya guzregi i know.. aur riddhima ko unhappy dekh ke main bhi concerned ho jayunga aur issey shipa aur sid pe kya effect hoga i know that too.. mera wapas aana hi galat tha.. nd now mera door jana hi sahi hain.. i respect shilpa for this.. ussne kyun iss shadi ke liye haan kahi i know.. aaj se uski khushi merey liye sab se important hain.. ye rishta poori tarah nibha ne mein mujhe kitna waqt lagega i don't know.. ye jante hue bhi sab ke khushi ke liye ussne mera sath diya... i juz pray to gad ke woh riddhima ko khush rakhe aur mujhe itni himmat de ke main shilpa ko uski hissey ki khushi de sakoon... i sighed nd boarded the flight...

finally armaan.. u got wat u wanted... i thought closing my eyes in the aeroplane.. i wanted to ease riddhima's life.. i wanted to throw the burden away from her heart.. i wanted to solve the mess i created unknowingly.. i wanted to see her happy with her husband.. on the other hand i wanted shilpa to get her share of happiness.. i wanted to complete her love story.. i wanted to make every one happy... ri8.. these r all wat i wanted....


but did i truly want all these??  i think all know the real answer ...






..................................................................................






P.S  -   to understand this os better.. u can read the same o.s which i wrote before portraying riddhima's p.o.v ....
here's the link :

http://dill-mill-gayye.blogspot.in/2012/09/is-this-what-i-wanted.html
http://dill-mill-gayye.blogspot.in/2012/09/part-2-is-this-what-i-wanted.html


Please please please... don't misunderstand me.. maine ye os phir se armaan ke p.o.v se iss liye nahi lika ke koi hurt ho... main bass iss liye ye side portrait kar rahi hoon ye bata ne ke liye ke maine riddhima ko saree importance dekhe ye nahi dikhaya tha ke armaan ya koi aur boora hain ya ar ki pyaar kamzoor hain.. i juz wanted to say ke sabki ek p.o.v hoti hain... hum jiski p.o.v dikhate hain uske dill khole samne rakhte hain nd thats y aisa lagta hain ke baaki characters acche nahi hain.. sab hi acche hote hain.. kabhi kabhi had se zyada pyaar humhe khud ko dard deke ke dusre ki khushi dene ke liye motivate karta hain... i never loved anyone.. so.. agar kissi ko lage ye galat hain ya fir aisa nahi hota .. plzz forgive me.. par merey life pyaar ki definition ye hi hain... i juz want to see my love happy nd if it cost my pain,, i'll happily bear that... nd main happy ending kar sakti thi but maine pehle hi kaha tha ye sad os hain... but.. i promise i wont write any sad os again.. i nvr want to mke any one sad.. nd to be their wound's reason?? never ever...
TRULY SORRY...


thank u.. nd love u all...


~ sargam

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Is This What I Wanted ?? (From Armaan's P.O.V)

                       I was passing near the nurse station when i herad riddhima shouting nd peeping at the chaos I found her accusing Shilpa again!! mujhe aab tak samajh nahi aaya ke riddhima kyun shipa ko pasand nahi karti?? i know jab main shilpa se pehli baar mila tha at the disc i thought her thief nd she had irritated me highly nd bahot dino tak mujhe usse chir thi.. i mean kitna tang karti thi woh mujhe par dheeere dheere i found the real shilpa.. haan thodi pagal hain.. bahot bachpana hain par dill ki boori nahi hain.. patient's ko acche se handle karti hain.. nd i'm sure she'll be a good doctor.. aab thodi dosti bhi ho gayee usse...

... anwer me... dr. shilpa!!

maam... woh... maam.. maine sach mein..

i went near riddhima... mujhe pata hain mere wapas aane se uski life fir se bikhar gayee hain.. ek typical indian ladki hone ke naate na woh mujhe aapna sakti hain na aapne pati ko chod sakti hain aur na hi hum dono ko ek sath khush dekh sakti hain... i know her more than herself.. mujhe pata hain ke sid uski zimmedari hain nd woh kabhi aapne zimmedari se mu (face) nahi feregi.. chahe usse khud kitna hi dard kyun na ho.. uske liye uski family uski aapni khushi se zyada important hain.. jo ladki ye jante hue bhi ke anjali uski behen nahi hain phir bhi uske sapno ke liye aapni carrier ko daoo pe lagaye...  mujhse pyaar karte hue bhi aapne papa ke khilaf na jana aur mere sath hunger strike karna.. take na uske papa ko boora lage na main akela pad jaoon.. ek aisi ladki kitni selfless hain ye mujh se zyada aur kaun janta hoga .. par anjane mein hi sahi aaj meri waapsi meri riddhima ki zindegi ko messed up kar diya hain.. i hope main kuch kar pata... aur issi liye aaj kal woh itni chidchidi ho gayye hain.. na kisi se thik se baat karti hain na khud muskurati hain.. warna jisse insaan ki parakh sab se zyada thi pata nahi woh aaj kyun shilpa ki acchai dekh nahi paa rahi hain?? pata nahi kaha kho gayee meri riddhima??

juz shut up!! don't u dare to lie to me..

                Riddhima's shout broke my thoughts nd i looked at shilpa.. she was standing bowing down her head... i have to do some thing...

mmm.. Riddhima??

she turned recognizing my voice but next few minutes mein jo hua i still can't believe..

baat kya hain?? tum kyun bechari shilpa pe...

bechari??? oh i see... (she turned to shilpa nd said with disgust) .. li jiye aapke wakil (advocate) aa gayee hain... (then turning to me) ... tum kab se itne partial ho gayee armaan?? do u have any idea ek galat medicine ke wajah se kya ho sakta tha?? ... ( then turning to shilpa) i can suspend u if i want... hope u know that..

I was shocked.. ye meri hi riddhima hain na?? woh to kisi anjaan insaan se bhi acche se baat kar ti thi aur aaj aise... ye maine kya kar diya.. oh god!! agar mujhe pehle pata hota ke riddhima ki shadi ho chuki hain to chahe mujhe kitna bhi dard kyun na hota par main kabhi wapas nahi aata.. aab to kahi ja bhi nahi sakta.. agar sanjeevani chod ke chala jaoonga to riddhima ko lagegauski wajah se meri carrier bhi kharab ho gayee.. plzz hlp me god.. i juz want to see her happy.. at any cost.. plzz..

I saw her leaving us furiously.. i indicated the crowd to resume their work nd assured frightened shilpa..

pata nahi riddhima ko kya ho gaya hain... tum chinta mat karoo... agar ye tumne nahi kiya to tumhe kuch nhi hoga..

maine sach mein ye nhi likha armaan..

i know.. i trust u..

I saw shilpa smiling finally.. at least i make some one happy... hope main aisi hi ek smile riddhima ke face pe bhi la sakoon... par kaise?? anyways.. i've to help shilpa 1st..

mujhe chart dikhayo..

shilpa handed me the prescription nd wat i saw i never expected it.. no no.. its not HER hand writing.. riddhima aisa nahi kar sakti.. par main uski hand writing ko galat pehchaano ye possible hain kya?? i frowned in confusion... god!! wat r u trying to do riddima??

I went to near her cabin nd knocked nd i heard a very casual "come in!!!"
may be now i know wat she is trying.. well riddhima.. if u want this nd u'll be happy then bring it on.. mere liye sirf tumhari khushi important hain... i barged into her cabin..

wat the hell is this.. riddhima??

i said in disgust trying hard not to shout (god knows how i acted in front of her.. but i've to.. for her..) nd threw the prescription in front of her eyes on her table.. i saw her composing herself... gaining attitude nd crunching her eye brow (well i must say riddhima.. u acted too well but u know wat i know u more than urself) she said..

what???

don't u know wat?? then look at the hand writing.. shayad tumhe pata chale ke ye medicines kisne prescribe ki hain..

she dint bother to follow my instructions ... (never ever in our relationship she did it... anyways... ) she juz said...

u don't have any proof

I looked at her shocked!! kaha se itni himmant jutayee tumne riddhima?? tum to humesha ek sehmi hui si ladki thi na?? aaj mujhse jhoot bol rahi ho woh bhi itni confidently.. may be i know y?? par tum kabhi aapne aapko meri naazro mein nahi gira paaogi .. par haan .. agar merey aise pretend karne se tumhari life se thodi pareshani kam hoti hain.. tumhe lagta hain ke main aab tumhe bhula ke aage badonga.. to yahan tum galat ho riddhima.. i can nver forget u but i can pretend that.. nd i'll... main tumhe aise aapne aapko blame nahi karne doonga...

"tumne ye jan bujhke... ??? ohh my godd... ( i ran my hands in my hair to control myself.. because i know that i too can't lie to u so easily) tum itna kab badal gayee riddhima ... i m ashamed ke kabhi maine tumse pyaar kiya tha... chiii... (plzz plzz plzz god plzz 4give me for this.. mujhe pata hain ye kitna bada sin hain.. i'm insulting my love.. my life.. my riddhima.. par god aagar kisi ke bhale ke liye jhoot kaha jayyee to woh sach se accha hain aap hi ne kaha tha na.. main bhi wohi kar raha hoon.. plzz meri basket ko sambhal lena .. i know wat effect my words will have on her but for her long term happiness she has to bear this.. plzz riddhima be strong.. plzz.. nd i continued my acting) ... shilpa ki life barbaad karne ke bare mein soch na bhi maat... agar tum usse nafrat kar sakti ho to main bhi yahi hoon to protect her... dost hain woh meri.. tumne shayad rishtey nibhana bhula diya hain par main aaj bhi wohi armaan hoon.. good 4 my frnz but worst for their enemies nd aaj se tum mere liye sirf meri dost ki enemy ho.. nothing more than that... (I turned to leave but looked back for the last time but dint gather the courage to utter a  single word .. she dint say any thing but her eyes told me every thing... godd... plzz make her happy...)


I rushed from there nd went to terrace... i was feeling like whole world is spinning in front of my eyes... my head started paining.. eyes started burring ... cheeks got moistained with fresh tears... i hold the railing tight.. as ti8 as possible... why?? why when i finally loved some one was driven away from me...?? y destiny plays with me every time?? why din't i die in the shoot - out?? y unknowingly i have become the reason of pain of the person whom i love more than myself..?? why god?? why??


I was soo numd that my limbs started loosening.. it was getting difficult for me to carry my own burden.. nd wen i was about to fall two gentle hands hold me giving suppot...

ar.. maan???

I looked at the person nd saw a concerened shilpa..

shil.. pa??

you ok??

I desperately wanted a support nd dont know y i broke down.. i hugged her nd cried my heart out.. but soon i felt my shoulder getting drenched.. i detangled her nd saw her crying!!! she is crying for me but why??

kya baat hain armaan.. tum mujhe baata sakte ho.. shayad main tumhari help kar sakti hoon...

I still dnt know y i believed her words.. may be the honesty in her eyes made me to believe her nd i spoke my heart out.. nd saw her smile vaguely...

tumhe pata hain armaan tum aur di bilkul ek jaise ho??

di??

nd i came to know about shilpa's real identity.. she is riddhima's sister!!!

di bhi ye sab natak iss liye kar rahi hain take tum aage badoo.. tum khush rahoo.. and unka guilt kam ho jayee... its really difficult for her to push u away from her but she wanted it for you nd u too doing it for the same... kash.. kismat ye ajjeb khel nahi khelti to aaj tum dono sath hote nd ye hi hona chahiye tha.. pata nahi bhagwan ji acche logo ke sath accha kyun nahi karte??

I saw her speaking with honesty... nd feeling our pain.. yess.. she is a nice girl.. a gr8 human being... i smiled a lill nd confessed

tum bahot acchi ho shilpa!!

nd she smiled...

waise agar tum chaho to main tumhari help kar sakti hoon?? main bhi di ko khush dekhna chahti hoon...



& soon we started pretending that we like each other.. don't know y but kabhi kabhi mujhe sach mein lagta tha ke shilpa mujhse pyaar karti hain.. pata nahi... parhaan now she is my best friend with whom i can be myself..i started acting like that old naughty armaan nd she believed.. i saw her once smiling seeing my nautanki wth a child pateint.. god!! i can die for this smile.. juz make it forever on her lips.. i'll do watever i could.. nd i came to know that riddhima nd sid's relationship are improving.. although riddhima created lill problems for shilpa according to her drama i played along pretending to be angry... i saw her quite satisfied than before... she never know but i often saw her in ward or caffe or in her cabin.. its not that she is completely happy but she is lill satisfied.. may be the thought of ruining my life has started fading.. nd i owe shilpa for this.. she helped me to ease riddhima's life nd i hope aab sid nd uske beech ke tension kam ho jayee...


oneday dr. shashank came with shilpa's marriage proposal for me.. i was shockedd... i dint say any thing.. dr. shashank gave me some time to think nd that evening i went to shilpa's house...

armaan??? (she was shocked seeing me at the door) .. tum yahan..??

andar aane ko nahi kahogi?? ( i said to ease the situation.. although we r gr8 frnz now but i nvr went to her house b4)

tum baitho.. i'm cuming wth cofee..

arrey nahi.. plzz.. no need of formality..

tch.. armaan.. u sit , na!! i'll be back in two minutes..


I was sitting on the sofa wen i saw a drawer beside it where a vase with flowers were kept.. i opened it hoping to see some magazine but i found a diary.. on which her nd riddhima's picture was attached.. i took it nd felt the picture  ..my lips formed a smile seeing my riddhima so happy.. i prayed in heart once again for her happiness.. nd juz i was about to keep it back in the drawer it fell from my hand nd my photograph fell !!! i was surprised!! shilpa meri photo kyun rakhegi?? i opened the diary out ofcuriosity nd i was dumb founded to read..

I LOVE ARMAAN.. YESS ITS HIM.. WOH DEEWANA JISKE POEMS PADKE BINA DEKHE MUJHE USSEY PYAAR HO GAYA THA WOH ARMAAN HAIN !!



i closed the diary as if my hands burnt... shilpa loves me??? woh mujhe... kaise... i mean mujhe to ehsaas bhi nahi hua!! aur phir bhi woh riddhima nd meri madat kar rahi hain... jane anjane main ussey bhi hurt kar raha hoon.. ohh god!! y me?? mujhe hi kyun har uss insaan ke dard ka reason bana rahe ho jo mujhse pyaar karta hain.. oh god!!

nd i saw her cuming with coffee plastering a sweet smile.. now i know how much pain she suffers to plaster that smile.. i composed myself and returning the smile said

thank u... (sipping the coffee).. mm.. bahot acchi bani hain...

mm.. armaan.. tum achanak yahaan??

mm.. bas aise hi.. kyun aapne dost se milne nahi aa sakta kya??

she smiled fully nd said.. arrey aisi baat nahi hain..



nd we talked for a long time nothing imp... nd bidding her good bye i came back to my house.. that night i dint sleep.. i've to mke a decision .. that will make maximum people happy... i was fighting with my thoughts nd finally i made my mind.. i saw the sun rising.. yess.. its a new day.. nd i'll mke both of them happy.. i called shilpa...

armaan?? itni subah??

sorry to disturbing ur sleep shilpa.. par mujhe bahot imp. baat karni hain.. can we meet within a hour ??

sure.. where??

at the beech near ur house.. thik hain na??

okk..


I reached there early nd soon she came..

Shilpa.. ( my breathe fastened.. herat beat became erratic.. i closed my eyes) willl u marry me??

what??

i heard her shocked reply nd opened my eyes... i told her about dr. shashank's visit yesterday nd his suggetion ... she was listening to me carefully..

toh tum kya chahte ho armaan??

tum kya sunna chahogi shilpa??

she looked away.. i know now why!!! i sighed nd said...

i read ur diary yesterday.. not full.. but one page... wanna know which one??

she remined silent...

meri pyaar ko to manzil nahi mila shilpa.. but tumhari pyaar ko tum manzil dena nahi chahogi??

she looked back at me.. shocked.. disbelieving her ears...

mujhe shayad thoda waqt lag jayee par kya tum intezaar kar paaogi?? i promise main humesha tumhara sath doonga.. kuch aur hone se pehle i'm alwaz ur best frnd... ri8??

she nodded.. her eyes showed hope..

will you marry me, shilpa??


(I know i can never forget riddhima.. par mere liye uski khushi sab se important hain.. aur woh bhi aapne shadi ko tabhi aapna payeegi jab main aage badunga... aur dusri taraf hain woh ladki jo mujhe itni pyaar karti hain but still kabhi kuch nahi kaha.. uss waqt mein mera sath diya jab mujhe ek dost ki sab se zyada zarrorat thi.. agar woh nahi hoti to main riddhima ki madat kabhi nahi kar pati par jiss insaan ne khud jal ke mere dill se ye bojh utara.. jis insaan se khud se zyada meri dard ko ehmiyaat di.. main uski khushi kaise chin loon... meri kahani to kabhi poori nahi hogi at least shipa ko to main uski khushi de sakta hoon.. haan.. yahi sahi hain.. unn teeno ke liye.. riddhima.. sid nd shilpa jinki zindegi meri wajah se uljhi hui hai nd issey thik bhi main hi karoonga.. plzz god.. give me the strength..)



nd now i'm married to shilpa.. waiting at airport for our flight.. i've decided to stay abroad... merey samne kisi aur ke sath hone se riddhima pe kya guzregi i know.. aur riddhima ko unhappy dekh ke main bhi concerned ho jayunga aur issey shipa aur sid pe kya effect hoga i know that too.. mera wapas aana hi galat tha.. nd now mera door jana hi sahi hain.. i respect shilpa for this.. ussne kyun iss shadi ke liye haan kahi i know.. aaj se uski khushi merey liye sab se important hain.. ye rishta poori tarah nibha ne mein mujhe kitna waqt lagega i don't know.. ye jante hue bhi sab ke khushi ke liye ussne mera sath diya... i juz pray to gad ke woh riddhima ko khush rakhe aur mujhe itni himmat de ke main shilpa ko uski hissey ki khushi de sakoon... i sighed nd boarded the flight...

finally armaan.. u got wat u wanted... i thought closing my eyes in the aeroplane.. i wanted to ease riddhima's life.. i wanted to throw the burden away from her heart.. i wanted to solve the mess i created unknowingly.. i wanted to see her happy with her husband.. on the other hand i wanted shilpa to get her share of happiness.. i wanted to complete her love story.. i wanted to make every one happy... ri8.. these r all wat i wanted....


but did i truly want all these??  i think all know the real answer ...






..................................................................................






P.S  -   to understand this os better.. u can read the same o.s which i wrote before portraying riddhima's p.o.v ....
here's the link :

http://dill-mill-gayye.blogspot.in/2012/09/is-this-what-i-wanted.html
http://dill-mill-gayye.blogspot.in/2012/09/part-2-is-this-what-i-wanted.html


Please please please... don't misunderstand me.. maine ye os phir se armaan ke p.o.v se iss liye nahi lika ke koi hurt ho... main bass iss liye ye side portrait kar rahi hoon ye bata ne ke liye ke maine riddhima ko saree importance dekhe ye nahi dikhaya tha ke armaan ya koi aur boora hain ya ar ki pyaar kamzoor hain.. i juz wanted to say ke sabki ek p.o.v hoti hain... hum jiski p.o.v dikhate hain uske dill khole samne rakhte hain nd thats y aisa lagta hain ke baaki characters acche nahi hain.. sab hi acche hote hain.. kabhi kabhi had se zyada pyaar humhe khud ko dard deke ke dusre ki khushi dene ke liye motivate karta hain... i never loved anyone.. so.. agar kissi ko lage ye galat hain ya fir aisa nahi hota .. plzz forgive me.. par merey life pyaar ki definition ye hi hain... i juz want to see my love happy nd if it cost my pain,, i'll happily bear that... nd main happy ending kar sakti thi but maine pehle hi kaha tha ye sad os hain... but.. i promise i wont write any sad os again.. i nvr want to mke any one sad.. nd to be their wound's reason?? never ever...
TRULY SORRY...


thank u.. nd love u all...


~ sargam

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